Life Code: Sisters Before Misters, Bros Before Hoes

This past summer my friend and I went through a pretty painful rift when we liked the same guy. At least we can sigh in relief that, for the most part, who hasn’t been there. Right? We’re only human.

I’m going to keep the nitty gritty details personal out of respect for all parties involved. Let’s just say after some deep personal reflection I’ve owned up to my mistakes throughout the whole ordeal. And as much as it sucked living through it, I learned a lot about myself, my ethics and morals, and the more important things in life. Aka: sisters before misters!

Since the debacle, we’ve realized how silly we were both being over the whole situation and how unworthy this person was of any time on either end.

Fast forward to some much-needed girl time, re-bonding — apologies, tears, dinners, and multiple glasses of wine — our friendship is rekindled in the biggest girl crush of ways. Now, she’s my go-to gal when hating on all of the guys that have done us wrong. Looking back, as weird as it sounds, I believe that time in our life was a blessing in disguise. Getting through a hardship like that… you either make it or break it. I’m proud to report that we made it and it has only made our friendship that much stronger. Looking forward to brunch tomorrow baby! #Mazel.

The one thing we forgot throughout the whole mess? Girl code! Hoes before bros sisters!  

Suffice to say; many women go through this error of judgment (picking a bro before a hoe) at least once in their lives. In our case, we were lucky enough to realize our bond was much more important than the potential of dating some seriously slimy dude. God speed to his current girlfriend!

Today, we’ve formed a new bond over how we function when it comes to men and choosing a SO that respects us and is someone who we actually want to be with.

It took something as ridiculous as a total mess for both of us to realize that we need to pick and choose the right guys who are actually worth our time.

Ladies… It’s time to be cutthroat!

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Gentleman… one wrong move and you’re out! Just kidding. Kind of… A promise to all the men out there: the determining factor of whether you are terminated or not depends on what it was that you did and how much we genuinely like you.

I’ll admit, this post seems totally one-sided (girl power!), but the cause of all the emotional angst on both the sides of men and women tends to be in the lack of proper communication. A topic that is already on my agenda! Stay tuned…

Key Takeaways:

  1. Sisters before misters!
  2. Bros before hoes!
  3. Want to avoid emotional angst? Communication is key. Stay tuned…

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

 

MCM — Too Many to Choose From at this Year’s Golden Globes

With the Golden Globes last night there are so many MCMs to choose from.

Jokes aside, as the night went on the theme of the evening grew much deeper and more meaningful than an award show, and I give my deepest gratitude to the beautiful human beings that stand on the stage before us, exposing themselves, and leaving us with their lessons, their lives, and their hearts.

Besides Meryl Streep’s speech, another one for the history books, one of my favorite speeches of the night, and today’s MCM goes out to the talented, intelligent, and creative Donald Glover.

He made me listen and was relatable, talking about things that have always been a struggle to me and I’m sure most people growing up in a society where, although when we’re young, our role models preach that you can achieve anything you want, the reality of the situation is bigger dreams often times seem impossible.

Donald is one of those souls who has made the impossible possible, and is living proof that if you work hard enough to go after your dreams, you can achieve them. The reality is ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE (in the realm of being realistic). But dreams like career aspirations, for example, are absolutely possible. You just have to be strong enough to get out of that impossible mindset. Dreams truly are a beautiful thing.

Glover captivated his audience with his story, “Every time I saw a movie or Disney movies or heard your voices or saw you, I was like, oh, magic is from people. Like, we’re the ones who kind of, in a weird way, tell a story or a lie to children, so they do stuff that we never thought was possible. My dad used to tell me every day like you can do anything you want and I remember thinking like as a kid in first grade like you’re lying to me — but now I do stuff and he’s like I didn’t think that was possible.”

Well, Donald, as we watch you and your show, there is no doubt in our minds that you are bringing that magic you speak of to the world.

And your smile and brain are just as magical – downright sexy bro!

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Not to mention your hysterical dry humor and truthful sarcasm hits the nail on the head every single time.

Keep doing you Earn!

Soo… Can they bring Atlanta back onto FX on demand yet?! Please, and thank you! Needless to say, if you haven’t seen the show yet, I highly recommend it.

Congratulations on your success last night Donald, well deserved!

Key Takeaways:

  1. Meryl Streep is a G
  2. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE (in the realm of being realistic) i.e.) career goals
  3. Brains are sexy
  4. Smiles are sexy
  5. Donald Glover is a G
  6. Go watch Atlanta

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

New Year, New Dating Resolutions: Being Forward, How Much is too Much?

First and foremost I want to emphasize that the New Year isn’t the only time you should be focusing on resolutions whether they are dating oriented or not. If there’s something that you are looking to change within yourself, you can and should do it as soon as you realize it’s something you want to change, not just because the time of year tells us it makes sense.

With that said, why not get in the holiday spirit? I’m a huge sucker for the holidays!

This past week, reflecting back on my cuffing attempts and fails over (basically a dating lifetime), I realized there are three patterns I keep repeating that are probably killing my game. Admitting these patterns consciously I decided to make a problems and solutions list.

* If you’re facing similar struggles I suggest you do the same. Organized lists always help get our mess of a brain in check, allowing us to solve inner mangled messes more easily.

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1. Over-emphasizing similarities

When there’s someone I’m interested in it’s hard to focus on much else, especially with social media at our disposal and constantly right in front of our faces. It also makes it too easy to know a person’s interests before actually getting to know them.

Like a lot of people our age, I feed into my curiosities and let them get the best of me. It’s only natural to skim their Instagram account, right?! Still, I’m thinking I should take the power of Instagram more responsibly. Being able to see into someone else’s life… It’s kind of like having a superpower… Minus the fact that everyone else has the same superpower too. Oh well!

Like your typical basic bitch, when I see I have something in common with someone I like, I GEEK. HARD. It then becomes some sort of twisted life mission to make sure that that person knows we have those things in common. Meanwhile, I haven’t even received a memo from them or from anyone else as to if they might be interested in me or not. It’s kind of like hanging yourself on a ledge. And also possibly makes me look a little bit… Okay, a lot a bit psychotic.

My solution:
Be on the phone less, live in the present more. This year I resolve to put myself first and do the things that make me happy, whether a guy is by my side or not. Finding true inner happiness means you don’t need anyone else to make you happy. Even a SO. In fact, this kind of approach is what attracts people towards you (or so I’ve heard). But think about it, it does make sense. You’ll be more approachable if you’re smiling more because you are genuinely happy and don’t have a phone in your hand to distract you from that cute guy in front of you in the coffee line. You’ll also seem like the most confident person in the room realizing you don’t need a phone to avoid what’s around you. #REALTALK.

2. Pursuing too early and too quickly

This goes hand in hand with the first resolution I’m looking to make.

Still waiting for their confession of love (oh my god I hope men never read this – but just kidding, I really want you to!) I go right to the perusal phase, skipping probably like a thousand steps in between, including basic flirting.

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Analyzing my lightening speed need to reach out, it’s probably because I hate that feeling of overwhelming nausea that ensues when waiting to find out if you’re on the same page as someone else. Why not assume that they’re already there? Welp… You know what they say about assuming.

My solution:
Make this the year of zen. Breathe in the good shit exhale the bullshit (of putting pressure on yourself to find a boyfriend) and actually enjoy getting to know someone you may or may not actually be interested in. You won’t even begin to understand your true feelings about a person until you get to know them more. Helloooo. Seems obvious. And remember the key is to get to know this person IN PERSON. Not via your social media outlets and the cell. That puts you in the same category as all of the other single Millennials chasing your man. If you feel like you’re starting to lose it try to keep in mind that like anything in life, good things take time! And effort! Even though it’s the most frustrating thing in the world.

3. Scaring the prey

My last resolution is the perfect explanation for setting the first two in motion. Both actions, over emphasizing similarities and pursuing too early/quickly, are LOUD actions. What do I mean by that? Take this Boy Meets World reference for example:

Eric has been working at his father’s new adventure/outdoor store. His coworker Lani is having a hard time meeting a guy because she always scares off and intimidates men. Sound familiar? Eric, being the charming fellow that he is, explains to Lani why her technique isn’t working. He relates flirting and dating to hunting prey. When you are hunting the hunter dresses in camouflage and in pursuing, in this case the bunny, knows that he/she must step quietly in the direction of the target. Anything overly aggressive, loud motions or movements, will scare the bunny off. Instead, the art of the hunt is to approach harmlessly.

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The same goes for men and women. In this case, the women are the hunters and the men are the bunnies (LOL – sorry guys!). I know as women we want men to pursue us first, but if we left that to fate, where would we be now? Oh yeah, exactly where we already are, single AF. Let’s try something new for a change. You never know what will happen.

My solution:
Play the role of the harmless hunter. Getting too excited, loud behavior, anything seemingly out of the ordinary will scare off the prey (men). I’m going to try more subtle techniques this year and see where those actions get me because my prior actions clearly haven’t worked. For those of you who don’t like playing games, much like myself, think of it as more of slightly tweaking an action. Will I change my outgoing personality altogether? No! Just tweaking in this case. Until they get to know me (or you) better.

I figure if I can take control of these patterns by the time I’m 30 I’ll be okay. Dear Lord, help us all!

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Key Takeaways:

  1. When you realize there’s something you want to change about yourself you should do it as soon as you make the realization
  2. Don’t overemphasize similarities, ESPECIALLY if you find them out through social media
  3. Be on the phone less, live in the present more.
  4. Don’t pursue too quickly
  5. Exhale the bullshit breathe in the good shit
  6. Don’t scare the prey! Remember landing someone you’re interested in is like hunting a nervous animal… You don’t want them running for the hills!

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.

Reading the Signs: She’s Just That into You

In this video, Casually Explained does a hilarious breakdown of the difference between how men and women think when it comes to flirting.

This is legitimately how I feel most days…

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Bottom line ladies, I’m sad to report that men are just that clueless. Or we’re lead to believe that he’s just not that into us. Of course, that might not necessarily be the case, but it’s up to you to decide if you want to be the flirting sleuth and figure out the signs he’s sending back your way.

Key Takeaways:

  1. Women – men are just that clueless when it comes to flirting, it’s up to you if you want to try and be bolder
  2. Men – WE’RE NOT ALL FROM CANADA. We might be genuinely interested in you! 😉

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.

Man Crush Monday Brought to You by the NFL

My first MCM post! Ah, the Monday after Christmas.

This is the first time in a long time that I actually allowed myself to do absolutely nothing work oriented over our short holiday break (Friday-Monday). So what was the best relaxation technique I could come up with? Besides reading existential, thought provoking self-help books (you should get on that!) I needed some mindless activity. Scrolling through my options E! on-demand sounded pretty appealing. Yes, really.

A few summers ago my friend had been obsessed with the way country singer Jessie James wore that red bandana on her head.

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So I decided to see what her obsession was all about. Sure, Jessie is easy to fall for, but the guy you can’t take your eyes off of? ERIC DECKER.

Decker is currently the wide receiver for the New York Jets. Sorry about your epic loss to the Pats on Sunday! (41-3). Yikes.

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Tall, dark, and handsome. (AND a top athlete for the NFL?!) No wonder Jessie can’t keep her hands off him!

Key Takeaways:

  1. Become an NFL player
  2. E! on demand is a solid mindless activity
  3. Root Giants for your N.Y. team

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

The Non-Catfish/Catfish

Who hasn’t heard of MTV’s documentary series “Catfish?” Based on the documentary film Catfish that was released in 2010, Nev Schulman and the Robin to his Batman, Max Joseph (sorry Max!), travel across the country to help people uncover the truth about their online relationships. Can you trust the person behind the image on the screen? We’ll leave that to the professionals to reveal.

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Now, with all this relatively recent common knowledge of Catfish trickery, you’d think the world of dating app users would become the wiser. Not necessarily so.

I always thought I was above being duped by a Catfish. We know all the signs to look for. Do their pictures seem legitimate? Do we have common friends on Facebook? Can I stalk you easily on social media? Different strokes for different investigative folks. But what if you don’t have friends on social media in common? I prefer to be outright with my worries. On my profile I include a side note “don’t be a Catfish, I’ll leave the date!;)” I find humor is best when initiating awkward interactions on dating apps. You might as well leave it all out there. What do you have to lose? Besides your lunch, if your date does, in fact, turn out to be a Catfish.

Well, apparently there’s another side to Catfishing I didn’t really heavily consider – the use of outdated photos. When I re-downloaded Tinder after my most recent cognitive dating hiatus, I was excited to get back in on the action! I had never really used the apps in the suburbs, and I was curious to see who was around. I matched with this cute guy – baseball cap, dimples, totally my type. He was upfront about his passion for MMA fighting, so I put that peculiarity aside.

After chatting briefly, he quickly asked me out for drinks or dinner. As a member of the late 20’s age range, I prefer dinner because it gives you the opportunity to get to know your date without the focus of getting drunk. Bonus: less chance of a random hookup. Unless that’s what you’re looking for. Either way, I was pretty excited.

We picked a semi-local spot that was halfway between us. I arrived at the restaurant first and headed inside. I wanted to get a glimpse of my date before he saw me. I’m all about that mental preparation.

Ten minutes later, it was like a scene from a movie. Sweat dripping down my forehead. GLISTENING, glistening on my forehead. A group of people in front of me. A cute guy walks through the door – that doesn’t look like his pictures, though. The handsome stranger moves towards the group of friends. And then from behind the group, approached my… Er um… CATFISHED. Kind of…

Apparently, my date had used the ingenious idea of posting pictures from high school. Fast forward to present day, ten years later, he had packed on about 20-25 lbs. I was crushed. Before you go thinking, how shallow! I do currently have a crush on an dad-bod hottie, and my first boyfriend had bigger boobs than I do (he was slim in the face!). But this guy, he was just unattractive to me, both inside and out for the dishonesty. Especially when I noticed he was gauging my reaction. He had clearly done this to other women before.

I pushed the lump in my throat aside, inwardly acknowledging what had happened, but we did get along on the app, so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

As it turns out, the best part about the date was the food. I ordered a classic Italian Bolognese. And had a better time flirting with the sommelier than my date himself. Did I feel bad flirting in front of him? No fucking way! Aside from the fact that I have a naturally flirtatious demeanor (I’d flirt with a tree if it would flirt back), he was the idiot who posted false representations of himself.

I mean, I still humored conversation. But as it turned out he was a little too into MMA fighting, dropping way too many Jackie Chan references comfortable for dating banter.

A few short weeks ago I prided myself on being able to quote Will Ferrell movies at the drop of a dime. Guys like that right? Well, I can say I still don’t know about guys, but for girls… WRONG. I immediately promised myself that from that moment forward I would save the movie quotes for someone who really got me. What a turnoff! I can honestly say I still don’t know what Will Ferrell movie he was quoting, but I didn’t find it appealing that my date literally recited a skit that made him sound like he had a bad case of Tourette’s. (I’ve already accepted the fact that I’m going to hell).

To sum this dating story up, don’t be that guy. Just don’t do it! Or that girl either… No one wants to be duped especially when they were excited about the prospect of an exciting first date. And if you’re doing the duping… You’ll be lucky if your date sticks around.

Key Takeaways:

1. Pre-date — ask yourself these questions:

  • Do their profile pictures seem legitimate?
  • Do we have friends in common on social media?
  • Can I stalk them easily on social media?

2. Use interactions wisely:

  • Address the issue on your profile in a funny way. EX) “Don’t be a catfish I’ll leave the date ;)!”
  • Use humor to initiate awkward interactions I.E.) FaceTime requests, asking if their pictures are up to date, or if the child in the picture is his nephew… or HIS.

3. On-date-tips:

  • Plan ahead of time
  • Dinner instead of drinks = less chance of a random hookup
  • Don’t use movie quotes on the first date
  • If the guy (or girl) is a douche, feel free to flirt with any restaurant staff member… Fair game and you deserve the pick me up!

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.