You Kiss Your Mother with that Mouth?!

Two questions to ask yourself when dating:

  1. What are your deal breakers?
  2. What do you do when someone you’ve been talking to crosses the line?

As I’ve been focusing more on my career and have less time to dedicate to myself, dating apps seem like a viable option to meet new people. Apps are quickly becoming a societal norm, especially in the dating arena. Why? Maybe users feel more confident behind the virtual keys on our iPhones, maybe some of us are lazy… who knows… there are plenty of options.

What I find most difficult is that we’re the first group of people trying to tunnel forward with social experiments like Bumble, Tinder, and the alike, and there aren’t any concrete guidelines to pave the way.

This makes our personal vetting processes crucial because there’s no previous audience to guide us in this world of digital interactions (and introductions).

Never the less, even though I feel like an awkward, stumbling, new born baby fawn, I put my best hoof forward in a positive effort to find what I’m looking for in a partner.

Unfortunately, if you aren’t careful with that vetting process, you can end up with the exact opposite.

Enter date #362.

I met him on Bumble, and we admittedly didn’t hit it off right away. We had very different backgrounds, but we were curious enough about each other to continue our conversations. As we talked, it looked like maybe we did have a lot of the same morals after all. By the time he asked me out on a date, I thought my first impression of him turned out to be wrong.

But this is now the second (if not third, fourth, and fifth time) I’ve been through this lesson. Don’t worry about me guys; I think I’ve finally learned it this time lol. When it comes to dating, be careful who you give the benefit of the doubt to.

Initially, he was a big preacher of “I’m so different from any guy you’ll meet.” I’m a gentleman. I’m more mature. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah sure… Put your money where your mouth is. (Everyone I was with last night said if a guy says that there’s your first clue.) Yet, I switched off my gut instinct and made up my mind to give him a shot. I wanted to believe everything he was saying was true because they’re all qualities I’m genuinely looking for.

Within the first handful of conversations, he was making sure that I wouldn’t pay for the meal. Looking back, he was baiting me with romantic gestures, but in this case, you’ll see the age old proof that actions really do speak louder than words.

After the first date, I was actively recognizing red flags that I had seen in past guys I’ve dated. My deal breakers included:

  1. Our sense of humors didn’t match. To me laughter is one of the most important parts of any relationship and if we didn’t see eye to eye on something so laid back, fun, and flirtatious, how would we ever see eye to eye on bigger issues?
  2. When I asked him if he was close with his family, he responded, “I don’t understand that question.” What the fuck… lol.
  3. I called him out on the multiple insensitive things he said. Once I get it, but 4-5 times… What a jerk!
  4. Discussions of finance too early. Truth be told, not every woman is interested in money. But if you’re ridiculously focused on your pocket than you don’t deserve the kind of girl that doesn’t fucking care about it. She’s too good for you bro.
  5. With everything in mind, it felt like he was hiding some internal anger issues–I’m not your therapist. And I’m not trying to change any man. That only leads to heartache. No thank you.

With about five red flags after one date, I confirmed my first impression… He had to go.

Someone, please call me out if my logic is wrong here, but I wanted to let him know how I felt as soon as I recognized it wasn’t going to work. Even though we had talked about meeting up the following Saturday, I ended it on Tuesday.

My thought process–instead of letting him think that I was interested for an entire week, and having to fake that I wanted to be all over him for a day, (ew gross), it made more sense for both of us to move on now instead of later.

Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I told him the truth about why I was ending things instead of some lame bullshit girly excuse like “it’s not you, it’s me.”

I think all he really wanted to hear was that it was me.

His response to my kid-glove honesty (if you know me you know I go out of my way to be cordial even if someone is a total monster!!):

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Whoaa buddy, I was expecting a bad reaction, but I wasn’t expecting World War III.

It’s women like me why guys are so scummy? For trying to be honest? Those were just his words; I can’t reflect that on myself.

I’m a complete disappointment–I’ll take that as a compliment. You were already that invested in me to be disappointed in me? Reality check, you’re disappointed that smart, respectable women aren’t interested in your fake act. Why don’t you try being the man you preach you are. That will impress women ten folds beyond the really good impression you do of a disrespectful asshole.

That brings me back to deal breaker #4. Let me just put this out there for any guy who has ever been upset about spending money on a date that didn’t work out–IT’S YOUR CHOICE TO SPEND THAT MONEY. That’s not on us! I would rather go on a picnic with a gentleman than an expensive dinner with an ignorant idiot any day of the week, just point me in the direction of his picnic blanket.

I can hold my head high knowing that I’m discomforted by the thought of even accepting a drink from a guy if I know I’m not interested. So anyone who has ever accused me of using you for your money can FUCK OFF. Why don’t you stop using your money to try and get girls and try on a good personality for size? It’s as simple as that. Really.

As it turns out, the “different,” “mature,” “gentleman” I was supposed to meet was actually one of the worst interactions I’ve ever had. Congratulations, I will always fondly remember you… as an asshole. No sleep lost here.

Don’t ever talk to me again–easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Block, delete. Block, delete. Block, delete.

All of the true GENTLEMAN in my life told me I should have reported him on the dating app, but I figured our dysfunctional situation didn’t have to do with the app itself, just two people who clearly didn’t get along.

It took me a lot to keep myself from sending a nasty response back. Like “those texts are THE EXACT REASON I don’t want to see you again.” Or, “since you’re so concerned about money I will literally pay you if you promise to never disrespect a woman the way you just disrespected me.” Maybe the quick retort, “you kiss your mother with that mouth?!”

But like they say, when they go low, you stay high.

The biggest laugh–as soon as he told me to never talk to him again I thought to myself, “your wish is my command.” This time when I told myself I wasn’t going to talk to a guy anymore I was going to stick to it.

One week later… I receive a friend request from him on Instagram. (Remind me to not respond to guys more often).

GET FUCKING REAL.

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

The New Season of the Bachelorette Starts Tonight! So Who’s My Bachelor Worthy MCM?

The new season of the Bachelorette kicks off tonight!

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And while Rachel Lindsay is totally stunning and you miiiiight see me dabble in some posts about her and the show (I’M SORRY – you all know my guilty pleasure by now!) my shout out today is for newly single bachelor favorite… That’s right, drum roll, please… Mr. BEN HIGGINS. (Oof, you can already see why!)

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When Ben went on the show, it was hard not to fall for him. The now 29-year-old, just a baby when he first appeared on the Bachelorette, was everything a girl could want. Wait, what? Okay, I. Everything I could want. Tall, dark, handsome, sensitive… It was like looking into a mirror watching him reveal that his biggest worry when it comes to relationships: being unlovable. You’re not alone Mr. Higgins; you’re not alone. In all the hype did anyone ever get a chance to tell you that? C’mon Chris Harrison! Slackin’ at the mansion!

After giving it a go with the winner of his season, Lauren Bushnell, and continuing an all too cute reality T.V. show on ABC Family (now Freeform) (yes I watched that too… …) it seems like they’ve decided to call it quits. I haven’t read any details on the breakup – please my thing is reality television, not gossip rag mags. But if you’re interested in finding out the juicy gossip just hop onto our favorite best friend: GOOGLE.

In the meantime when the world is trying to decipher fact from fiction, who’s with me in voting Mr. Higgins back onto the show for the next season of the Bachelor? I know I’m not the only one. And if you do submit his name maybe you could include a ballot writing my name in as a contestant for his second season? Mk, that would be great, thanks. While Ben should hopefully see that his fear of being unlovable is farthest from the truth I’m still over here working on that lesson for myself. Aren’t we all.

By the by Ben, if you end up on the next season of Bachelors in Paradise or whatever the f*#! that show is called… oh goodness just don’t do it! Although… I wouldn’t mind seeing you on the beach in your bathing suit again… Ehhhh, there’s good and bad to everything.

My MCM to kick off the summer season – Ben, you’ve got my vote!

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.

Another Single Valentine’s Day? We’ve Come up with the Perfect Non-Valentine’s Night!

It must have been about 3-4 years ago that I was still getting over the great infatuation of my life. My guy friend was also single and ready to mingle, but we were getting down on ourselves that we weren’t able to live out this fantasy of what we had in mind for the perfect Valentine’s night.

Instead of feeding into our inner #emo ( I know, listening to TBS feels so good!) we decided to change our expectations of the night. Screw having dates! We were going to enjoy February 14th no matter what!

Turns out, readjusting our expectations turned out really well. We made three rules…  1. No sappy movies. 2. Nothing healthy or anything that makes you look attractive while you eat it. 3. No jeans. Whoa now, that sounded bad for a second. ;P

Commence your awesome single Valentine’s night!

We had a great time watching comedies (of course half of them included Vince Vaughn or Will Ferrell), binging on a large cheese pizza, heavy side of candy, and rocking our sweatpants hardcore.

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The best part about the non-Valentine’s night is that the possibilities are literally endless. It doesn’t have to be just two friends. Even more anti-Valentine’s is an entire party boycotting the entire thing… Believe me, we considered it.

No, I’m not some kind of love-hating monster. Yes, it would be nice to have a plus one on the “big days” where you know your family is going to ask you the inevitable question for anyone in their twenties,  “are you in a relationship?” But I’m not going to cry over what I don’t have… Not tonight anyway… Tonight, I’m choosing to celebrate with pizza, wine, and comedies. Wine-not?

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Get Smart. Read Bold.

The best way to celebrate the non-Valentine’s Day:

  1. Drive around town with your best friend screaming TBS lyrics with the windows down and the system up (shout out to my ladies – you know who you are!); we recommend CUTE without the E
  2. No sappy movies
  3. Eat pizza & drink wine
  4. ONLY WEAR SWEATS
  5. You probably shouldn’t shower or cry for extra indulgence haha EW!

Check out my Valentine’s Day MCM to go alongside your non-Valentine’s Day celebration.

Enjoy! =]

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

Who Earned My Valentine’s MCM?

“I’m so used to being used.
So I love when you call unexpected.
‘Cause I hate when the moment’s expected.
So I’ma care for you, you, you,
I’ma care for you, you, you, you, yeah
‘Cause girl you’re perfect.
You’re always worth it.
And you deserve it.
The way you work it.
‘Cause girl you earned it, yeah
Girl, you earned it.”
 
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After so many days feeling like we go unappreciated, leave it to The Weeknd to make me feel like I’ve earned an unexpected call (because expected moments can get boring if they’re all you have), like I’m perfect (in this imperfect, messy world), deserve it (when we don’t get what we deserve), and I’ve earned it (just by doing me).

A friend asked me what my favorite gift from a guy was? I said, “flowers.”

Something as small as unexpected flowers gives me the feeling that I’ve worked hard for and earned something special.

In honor of Valentine’s Day and the follow up to that Fifty Shades of Grey movie that comes out… soon… today’s MCM goes out to The Weeknd, for making me feel like I did earn it every time I listen to that song. Male or female, who can’t relate to these vibes?

Get Smart. Read Bold.

  1. Make your girl feel like she’s earned it

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.

Failures of “Liquid Courage” (The Junior Varsity Drunk Text)

I thought that I had kicked the habit of drunk texting back in my freshman year of college.

My not-so-boyfriend, but guy I was seeing was seeing at the time, was back in our hometown while I was supposed to be exploring the potentials of college life. (My version of that was moping about this high school boy who clearly wasn’t worth my time in the long run. Fuck… I guess I learned some important life lessons from that one?)

Drinking beer in our guy friend’s dorm was doomed to put testosterone on the mind. I took out my not-so-smart cell phone and started typing. He hadn’t responded to another text from earlier in the day. Being down on myself, I wrote what I intended to be an innocent text,

 “Do you like good girls or bad girls? You like bad girls don’t you?”

Reading it the way I had intended, the only embarrassment I felt was that I was legitimately a “good girl” and didn’t want to waste my time on a bad guy. Re-reading the text that night, and now – horrified with a palm up to my face, peeking through my fingers – it sounds like I had a different intention. I might as well have whipped out a red flag saying, “ONLY LOOKING FOR BAD BOYS.” Or, “HI, I’M A SLUT!”

After many a communication courses in college, and head shaking experience after head shaking experience, I can flat out tell you that most communication via cell phones = NO BUENO! Especially when it comes to dating. It’s hard enough to do when you’re sober, let alone Lindsay Lohan drunk. What the sender reads one way can be (and many times is) interpreted in an entirely different manner than the receiver.

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Luckily, or not-so-luckily, he never answered my text. But I was the one left mortified for two reasons. 1. I sounded like a hooker. 2. He never even answered to my hooker-like attempt!

Looking back, what a loser! Not responding to a hooker-ish text by one of the girls you were seeing?! What’s wrong with that image? … … But in all honesty, I was lucky that it didn’t turn into a mess bigger than that. In the long run, he was probably doing me a favor since he ditched out on me about two weeks later. #GHOSTED.

But lesson learned hunnies! It took one nauseating incident to realize that drunk texting was not for me. And I stood by that all throughout college and beyond. I’m currently six years out and held onto the promise that I would never initiate a drunk texting convo. Exceptions will be made for those who text you and are already drunk – looking for some love in a drunk text back, friends, or anyone who you aren’t currently dating or trying to date.

One promise to myself – no drunk texting… That’s easy. But add today’s social media trends in there and it’s a whole different ball game. 1000 new ways for me to embarrass myself! Okay, not if you use them properly… Or have enough self-love that you don’t care about the outcome either way, but still, it’s like social etiquette or something. Besides, one of the worst things you can do with someone you’re trying to tie down is make them feel awkward or uncomfortable. Take it from the queen of making everyone feel awkward and uncomfortable.

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Legit – today’s social media is the new drunk text. And I thought I had been so wise as to have mastered this. Let me just say, contact lists and text messaging shouldn’t be the only thing put on block during this vulnerable state. And the key here is VULNERABLE. But we’ll circle back to that.

There are two sides to my brain… Okay, there’s multiple sides to my brain, but right now I’m breaking it down into varsity and junior varsity (experienced and naive).

Being 27 and single, I’ve had tons of experience fucking up, royally fucking up, playing it cool, and everything in between. In my mind, when I first start initiating some kind of interaction with a guy to let him know I might be interested, it would be ideal to pull from my playing it cool to somewhere in between experience. But for some terrifying reason, my JV mind takes over. DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR OWN JV MIND.

As recent as a couple of weekends ago I reached out to a guy who had been completely off my radar, but for whatever reason, he was suddenly on it. (Maybe because his friend was finally off of it). I sent him a message. If you have to send someone a message instead of an iMessage aka text because you don’t have their phone number WARNING, RED BUTTON, HAZZARD, ERROR, STOP. DON’T DO IT! In my JV mind I’m like a little puppy – yeah, yeah this will put me on his radar! Yes, little puppy, ignorant of the world around you – it will put you on his radar, you’re right – AS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL SPAZ.  And it works both ways, men to women, Instagram to Facebook. You don’t want to ask the girl on the couch over from me at the Super Bowl party what her latest social media stalker had to say. And you definitely don’t want to be the one referred to as a stalker on any dating anything.

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So how did my JV message go? Just as I thought it would from my varsity experience –- no response. Just like my ex at the beginning of this post.

What I discovered: my need to reach out in a moment of vulnerability (and you’re feeling this way much stronger because you’re drinking) is for reassurance. And as you can tell, the drunk message does not lead to reassurance. It only leads to more insecurity and upset feelings. And those feelings that you keep avoiding will be brought to the next new guy and next drunk message until you face them. It becomes one whole big mess of negativity. You’ll be so lucky as to if the receiver doesn’t respond because starting something on those terms is just that: messy, negative, and choosing to try to start something off on a sour down note.

Instead, get over your old ghosts first by facing them head on.

I apologize to all of the victims from my drunk messaging and just know, I’m working on turning over that idiotic leaf… But, in my defense, you should be happy a smart/hot girl is hitting on you in the first place! PUH-LEASE.

Get Smart. Read Bold.

  1. Don’t waste time on someone who isn’t worth yours
  2. Stay away from any sort of iMessage, text message, social media message when you’re Lindsay Lohan drunk
  3. You want a potential love-interest to see you in a positive light, not a negative one
  4. Drunk messaging makes you vulnerable
  5. DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR OWN JV MIND
  6. If you have to send a social media message instead of a text, don’t message at all!
  7. You don’t want to be known as a social media stalker
  8. There is such a thing as social media etiquette (apparently), and you don’t want to make people feel awkward or uncomfortable
  9. Get over your old ghosts FIRST by facing them head on
  10. Taking all of the above into consideration, flirt on!

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

 

Finally a Man that Isn’t Afraid to get Close!

Ah, another Monday! What are we going to do to get through the week? Besides constant coffee breaks, one thing that makes the time fly… MEN. Let’s take a look at my latest MCM.

This Monday my man crush goes out to the six pack rocking star, Nick Jonas. Or is it an eight pack? (If my coworker reads this she’s laughing at me 100% because she knows I keep a shirtless picture of the sizzling Jonas brother in my cubicle for motivation purposes… Obviously).

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Okay, mine isn’t that raunchy! 😉

Although the combination of his body and school boy face are lethal, it’s what’s behind the images in the media that get me going.

First, his intense, seductive voice and sweat forming performance in his music video “Close,” featuring Tove Lo. I know, where was I in early 2016? Like me and missed the memo that this song/video is HOT? I kid you not; you should watch right now. (This will make your Monday go by faster!)

Besides, what woman can’t relate to the feeling that “space is just another word made up by someone who’s afraid to get too close.” AKA every guy I’ve ever crushed on or dated. And every guy my girlfriends have ever crushed on or dated. Damn, how do they manage to keep our attention? In my case, it’s the total intrigue and uniqueness of each individual that I can’t get enough of. And if they happen to rock the Nick Jonas “Close” sweat I’m not going to complain! That’s not totally gross…

FYI it’s a turn on to women to get close. Men: if you’re looking for intimacy stop fucking around. Focus on the one woman that catches your eye and work for it. Good things in life take effort. If you’re looking for random fucks, do us all a favor and stick to Tinder. Stop wasting our time by spitting game to us at the bar. We see right through you. Focus your time on the loosest girl at the bar, not our hot asses, because for the rest of us – ain’t nobody got time for that!

I digress. Second, the man has causes he can stand behind. I won’t lie, I haven’t read too much on it, but I do know as a person living with type 1 diabetes,  he is the creator of the non-profit organization Beyond Type 1, with the mission of spreading knowledge and raising awareness. Nothing sexier than a man with a purpose.

Third, after much practice making YouTube videos with his brothers Kevin and Joe, he knows how to rock the comedy in shows like Scream Queens.

Co-staring with Emma Roberts?! And making the show his own?!

I Don’t even have to ask, “need I say more?”

Get Smart. Read Bold.

  1. It’s a turn on to women to get close – mentally and physically
  2. If you’re looking for random fucks stick to Tinder
  3. Have a purpose in life you can get behind
  4. Be a comedic genius

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

Life Code: Sisters Before Misters, Bros Before Hoes

This past summer my friend and I went through a pretty painful rift when we liked the same guy. At least we can sigh in relief that, for the most part, who hasn’t been there. Right? We’re only human.

I’m going to keep the nitty gritty details personal out of respect for all parties involved. Let’s just say after some deep personal reflection I’ve owned up to my mistakes throughout the whole ordeal. And as much as it sucked living through it, I learned a lot about myself, my ethics and morals, and the more important things in life. Aka: sisters before misters!

Since the debacle, we’ve realized how silly we were both being over the whole situation and how unworthy this person was of any time on either end.

Fast forward to some much-needed girl time, re-bonding — apologies, tears, dinners, and multiple glasses of wine — our friendship is rekindled in the biggest girl crush of ways. Now, she’s my go-to gal when hating on all of the guys that have done us wrong. Looking back, as weird as it sounds, I believe that time in our life was a blessing in disguise. Getting through a hardship like that… you either make it or break it. I’m proud to report that we made it and it has only made our friendship that much stronger. Looking forward to brunch tomorrow baby! #Mazel.

The one thing we forgot throughout the whole mess? Girl code! Hoes before bros sisters!  

Suffice to say; many women go through this error of judgment (picking a bro before a hoe) at least once in their lives. In our case, we were lucky enough to realize our bond was much more important than the potential of dating some seriously slimy dude. God speed to his current girlfriend!

Today, we’ve formed a new bond over how we function when it comes to men and choosing a SO that respects us and is someone who we actually want to be with.

It took something as ridiculous as a total mess for both of us to realize that we need to pick and choose the right guys who are actually worth our time.

Ladies… It’s time to be cutthroat!

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Gentleman… one wrong move and you’re out! Just kidding. Kind of… A promise to all the men out there: the determining factor of whether you are terminated or not depends on what it was that you did and how much we genuinely like you.

I’ll admit, this post seems totally one-sided (girl power!), but the cause of all the emotional angst on both the sides of men and women tends to be in the lack of proper communication. A topic that is already on my agenda! Stay tuned…

Get Smart. Read Bold.

  1. Sisters before misters!
  2. Bros before hoes!
  3. Want to avoid emotional angst? Communication is key. Stay tuned…

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

 

MCM — Too Many to Choose From at this Year’s Golden Globes

With the Golden Globes last night there are so many MCMs to choose from.

Jokes aside, as the night went on the theme of the evening grew much deeper and more meaningful than an award show, and I give my deepest gratitude to the beautiful human beings that stand on the stage before us, exposing themselves, and leaving us with their lessons, their lives, and their hearts.

Besides Meryl Streep’s speech, another one for the history books, one of my favorite speeches of the night, and today’s MCM goes out to the talented, intelligent, and creative Donald Glover.

He made me listen and was relatable, talking about things that have always been a struggle to me and I’m sure most people growing up in a society where, although when we’re young, our role models preach that you can achieve anything you want, the reality of the situation is bigger dreams often times seem impossible.

Donald is one of those souls who has made the impossible possible, and is living proof that if you work hard enough to go after your dreams, you can achieve them. The reality is ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE (in the realm of being realistic). But dreams like career aspirations, for example, are absolutely possible. You just have to be strong enough to get out of that impossible mindset. Dreams truly are a beautiful thing.

Glover captivated his audience with his story, “Every time I saw a movie or Disney movies or heard your voices or saw you, I was like, oh, magic is from people. Like, we’re the ones who kind of, in a weird way, tell a story or a lie to children, so they do stuff that we never thought was possible. My dad used to tell me every day like you can do anything you want and I remember thinking like as a kid in first grade like you’re lying to me — but now I do stuff and he’s like I didn’t think that was possible.”

Well, Donald, as we watch you and your show, there is no doubt in our minds that you are bringing that magic you speak of to the world.

And your smile and brain are just as magical – downright sexy bro!

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Not to mention your hysterical dry humor and truthful sarcasm hits the nail on the head every single time.

Keep doing you Earn!

Soo… Can they bring Atlanta back onto FX on demand yet?! Please, and thank you! Needless to say, if you haven’t seen the show yet, I highly recommend it.

Congratulations on your success last night Donald, well deserved!

Get Smart. Read Bold.

  1. Meryl Streep is a G
  2. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE (in the realm of being realistic) i.e.) career goals
  3. Brains are sexy
  4. Smiles are sexy
  5. Donald Glover is a G
  6. Go watch Atlanta

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

New Year, New Dating Resolutions: Being Forward, How Much is too Much?

First and foremost I want to emphasize that the New Year isn’t the only time you should be focusing on resolutions whether they are dating oriented or not. If there’s something that you are looking to change within yourself, you can and should do it as soon as you realize it’s something you want to change, not just because the time of year tells us it makes sense.

With that said, why not get in the holiday spirit? I’m a huge sucker for the holidays!

This past week, reflecting back on my cuffing attempts and fails over (basically a dating lifetime), I realized there are three patterns I keep repeating that are probably killing my game. Admitting these patterns consciously I decided to make a problems and solutions list.

* If you’re facing similar struggles I suggest you do the same. Organized lists always help get our mess of a brain in check, allowing us to solve inner mangled messes more easily.

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1. Over-emphasizing similarities

When there’s someone I’m interested in it’s hard to focus on much else, especially with social media at our disposal and constantly right in front of our faces. It also makes it too easy to know a person’s interests before actually getting to know them.

Like a lot of people our age, I feed into my curiosities and let them get the best of me. It’s only natural to skim their Instagram account, right?! Still, I’m thinking I should take the power of Instagram more responsibly. Being able to see into someone else’s life… It’s kind of like having a superpower… Minus the fact that everyone else has the same superpower too. Oh well!

Like your typical basic bitch, when I see I have something in common with someone I like, I GEEK. HARD. It then becomes some sort of twisted life mission to make sure that that person knows we have those things in common. Meanwhile, I haven’t even received a memo from them or from anyone else as to if they might be interested in me or not. It’s kind of like hanging yourself on a ledge. And also possibly makes me look a little bit… Okay, a lot a bit psychotic.

My solution:
Be on the phone less, live in the present more. This year I resolve to put myself first and do the things that make me happy, whether a guy is by my side or not. Finding true inner happiness means you don’t need anyone else to make you happy. Even a SO. In fact, this kind of approach is what attracts people towards you (or so I’ve heard). But think about it, it does make sense. You’ll be more approachable if you’re smiling more because you are genuinely happy and don’t have a phone in your hand to distract you from that cute guy in front of you in the coffee line. You’ll also seem like the most confident person in the room realizing you don’t need a phone to avoid what’s around you. #REALTALK.

2. Pursuing too early and too quickly

This goes hand in hand with the first resolution I’m looking to make.

Still waiting for their confession of love (oh my god I hope men never read this – but just kidding, I really want you to!) I go right to the perusal phase, skipping probably like a thousand steps in between, including basic flirting.

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Analyzing my lightening speed need to reach out, it’s probably because I hate that feeling of overwhelming nausea that ensues when waiting to find out if you’re on the same page as someone else. Why not assume that they’re already there? Welp… You know what they say about assuming.

My solution:
Make this the year of zen. Breathe in the good shit exhale the bullshit (of putting pressure on yourself to find a boyfriend) and actually enjoy getting to know someone you may or may not actually be interested in. You won’t even begin to understand your true feelings about a person until you get to know them more. Helloooo. Seems obvious. And remember the key is to get to know this person IN PERSON. Not via your social media outlets and the cell. That puts you in the same category as all of the other single Millennials chasing your man. If you feel like you’re starting to lose it try to keep in mind that like anything in life, good things take time! And effort! Even though it’s the most frustrating thing in the world.

3. Scaring the prey

My last resolution is the perfect explanation for setting the first two in motion. Both actions, over emphasizing similarities and pursuing too early/quickly, are LOUD actions. What do I mean by that? Take this Boy Meets World reference for example:

Eric has been working at his father’s new adventure/outdoor store. His coworker Lani is having a hard time meeting a guy because she always scares off and intimidates men. Sound familiar? Eric, being the charming fellow that he is, explains to Lani why her technique isn’t working. He relates flirting and dating to hunting prey. When you are hunting the hunter dresses in camouflage and in pursuing, in this case the bunny, knows that he/she must step quietly in the direction of the target. Anything overly aggressive, loud motions or movements, will scare the bunny off. Instead, the art of the hunt is to approach harmlessly.

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The same goes for men and women. In this case, the women are the hunters and the men are the bunnies (LOL – sorry guys!). I know as women we want men to pursue us first, but if we left that to fate, where would we be now? Oh yeah, exactly where we already are, single AF. Let’s try something new for a change. You never know what will happen.

My solution:
Play the role of the harmless hunter. Getting too excited, loud behavior, anything seemingly out of the ordinary will scare off the prey (men). I’m going to try more subtle techniques this year and see where those actions get me because my prior actions clearly haven’t worked. For those of you who don’t like playing games, much like myself, think of it as more of slightly tweaking an action. Will I change my outgoing personality altogether? No! Just tweaking in this case. Until they get to know me (or you) better.

I figure if I can take control of these patterns by the time I’m 30 I’ll be okay. Dear Lord, help us all!

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Get Smart. Read Bold.

  1. When you realize there’s something you want to change about yourself you should do it as soon as you make the realization
  2. Don’t overemphasize similarities, ESPECIALLY if you find them out through social media
  3. Be on the phone less, live in the present more.
  4. Don’t pursue too quickly
  5. Exhale the bullshit breathe in the good shit
  6. Don’t scare the prey! Remember landing someone you’re interested in is like hunting a nervous animal… You don’t want them running for the hills!

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.

Reading the Signs: She’s Just That into You

In this video, Casually Explained does a hilarious breakdown of the difference between how men and women think when it comes to flirting.

This is legitimately how I feel most days…

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Bottom line ladies, I’m sad to report that men are just that clueless. Or we’re lead to believe that he’s just not that into us. Of course, that might not necessarily be the case, but it’s up to you to decide if you want to be the flirting sleuth and figure out the signs he’s sending back your way.

Get Smart. Read Bold.

  1. Women – men are just that clueless when it comes to flirting, it’s up to you if you want to try and be bolder
  2. Men – WE’RE NOT ALL FROM CANADA. We might be genuinely interested in you! 😉

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.