I’m sitting here at the end of a very slow Tuesday watching the minutes tick towards 4PM. According to anyone in, I don’t know, the 9-5 world… 4PM is when you stop doing absolutely any kind of work and count down the hour until 5. Freedom. Sleep. Happy Hour.
And what do we do to pass the hours? Scroll through our social media news feeds of course. WELP, today was a good one to find something to write about.
The update of yet another person in a relationship. But the thing that got me about this one is that I had gone to high school with this guy, and we had actually gone on a few dates last summer. Final conclusion: HE BOTTOM LINE SUCKS.
By our second date, at one of my favorite Italian restaurants downtown, he had turned from a charming mystery into such a jerk. A jerk with some serious problems. And I might exaggerate from time to time, but this was no exaggeration. Just wait and read.
Before he even came out on the second date, he told me he had taken shots of whatever alcohol his friend had stashed in his office desk before he left work, on top of an E pen that wasn’t tobacco. Do you really need to take shots and hits before a second date with me? I’m all for having a good time, but when the time is appropriate. AKA not when you’re trying to impress a classy girl! Not to toot my own horn, but come on now.
By now you guys know me well enough, I try to remain as positive as possible (wait do I?), and chalked it up to his own personal issues – nothing to do with me. We had actually had a really great time on our first date. I was hoping the same for the second one. The only thing we didn’t agree on was the definition of dating. Should you be committed to one person or is it okay to date multiple people at one time? Even though he seemed like a player, he actually argued that dating should be monogamous. I, on the other hand, who have seriously dated half of the people in Manhattan, would argue the opposite. There are so many people in the world. If I’m not committed to anyone why should I have to stick to just one? We’re all getting to know each other, and I haven’t found love yet. No harm no foul. Dating = multiple, relationship = monogamy… To me. Good conversation piece when you’re “hanging out.” Lol.
Any who, the second date was not pretty. In fact, it was pretty downright ugly. After filling himself with other “sedatives,” we ordered a bottle of wine to share. Dinner ended at about 8 o’clock, and it was clear that we both didn’t want the date to end, but we hadn’t made any plans for after the meal. I’ll keep that in mind for next time…
Break to the all too common part of the night where we’re standing on the street, and the guy asks you to go home with him (I said no). Give me a break, I don’t always say no, but we lived far apart, had work the next morning, not to mention I’d officially given up the NYC subway system when I moved out. You won’t get me to take one alone. Ask any of my friends.
When he asked me why not I came up with some bullshit excuse because I was scared of looking like a loser. Totally a bad judgment call. I should have practiced what I preach and been open and honest with him about my feelings and anxieties. Later on down the road, I was, but this crucial move screwed me.
A few things I’ve learned from that date since we both fucked up. 1. Is anyone to blame for how things panned out? Maybe not… Both parties can be at fault… or completely innocent. 2. Don’t call an insecure man a flirt and 3. Definitely DO NOT mention how you perceived a person in high school. (Background) earlier in the night we had been joking about how we saw each other, from a distance, back then. It seemed harmless and borderline cute/flirtatious but after getting drunk… Boy did I hear his thoughts on that one!
By 8:20 I was being yelled at by someone I thought I knew, but really didn’t. And on a dark street curb of New York City, nonetheless! I was so embarrassed! Thank God it was dark and there weren’t a lot of people walking around. I started to cry. GUILTY! Not only was I being yelled at for being a slut (apparently he had some residual feelings about my dating habits — P.S. you don’t know me either, you don’t know who I have and haven’t slept with), but for everyone who had every judged him for how he was “looked at” in high school… If the shoe fits. Bad joke, bad timing. And, to top it all off, my anxiety was kicking in. I was saying anything and everything I could think of to get him to stop.
FYI, I’m not the type of person to scream back at someone even if they’re really mad at me. Or even if I have a problem with them. I’m the type of person that takes time with my thoughts and, even if I let them simmer, I always try to talk out my problems because, as an adult, I’ve learned arguing really gets you nowhere.
We went awkwardly back and forth between his screaming, my listening, and talking for what felt like an hour. Realistically, it was probably only about 10 minutes.
When things seemed to slow down for a minute, he walked away. I had no idea where he was going. He didn’t say anything after all was said and done. To me, it looked like he was a guy who was only interested in the drama. When he ditched me for the local bodega, I hailed a cab to get my ass back to GC. No way was I going to wait around at night, on the city streets, all alone. I don’t care if it’s known as a safe area. Nor did I want to see what happened next on our horrible second date.
Texts and phone calls were made back and forth to each other throughout the night, but after an incident so unexpected I was over it. BOLD, UNDERLINE!
Or so I thought.
The next morning I was overtaken by a horrible anxiety attack and struck by a tremendous amount of guilt because he attacked me where I was weak. The fact that I had been working on trying to be way less judgmental and was called out for it stung like a motherfucker. Rightfully deserved after I called him out on some shit I didn’t know hit him so deeply? The world will never know. The next morning I found myself being the one to apologize to him for the entire night. Insane. I know.
But qualm smashed, we got over the situation (never an apology from his end, but a nice little dumb ass retort “that was big of you” – referencing my apology). THANKS, ASSHOLE. Tell me something I don’t know.
Shamefully, we wound up remaining cool… And almost friends. It’s okay, you can judge me. I judge myself for it too, but it’s weird – aside from that manic episode on both our ends, we do actually have a lot in common. Especially our sense of humor, which is so important to me in a human being. I feel a little guilty tossing around mean jabs. Ugh… Moving on… I’m over it!
HA. HA. Good joke. Now, nine months later, I see this dick is in a relationship?! No, no, no, no, no. Granted, there’s some dirt on that situation, but why should that matter? His business is his business. Their business is their business. The second I saw it I unfollowed him to better keep my sanity and seriously said to my coworker, “I’m over it!”
Truth be told, I’m not over it. I am over him, but I’m not over the annoying feeling of constantly seeing relationship after relationship and engagement after engagement popping up on social media because it’s something I eventually want… Just the relationship for the time being, calm down lol. But seeing negative and nasty people getting what positive and good people deserve is enough to drive a person insane. People who genuinely have the wherewithal to make another person happy have earned that kind of sweet satisfaction. Someone who deserves to be showered with good things in their life.
So, I ask you, I beg you, I plead you, HELP! When we say “I’m over it!” when do we actually get over it? Please someone comment and tell me because I’m still searching for the answer to this one.
Get Smart. Read Bold.
1. Stop doing any work after 4PM at your 9-5.
2. If they need to drink or smoke before a date with you run in the other direction.
3. It’s probably good to have the same view on dating as the person you’re dating (monogamy and when it’s appropriate)
4. Is anyone to blame when things go bad on the date? Situational. Deal with that response.
5. It’s not the best idea to call anyone a flirt or a player because you’ve never walked a mile in their shoes (and also don’t know what their personality is like and how they’ll react).
6. It’s also not great to stick to high school perceptions ten years later.
7. Stand up for yourself if someone is harassing you and GTFO.
8. Don’t feel like you have to apologize when you’re not in the wrong.
9. When you say you’re over it, are you really over it?
10. Someone, please tell us!
Bold. Boss. Beautiful.