Dare to Bae

They say there are “plenty of fish in the sea,” but have you ever tried dating in the Millennial Ocean? It’s like Shark Week on steroids. We’re all looking to ba(e)te and date someone especially during cuffing season. But in today’s modern dating world what are the rules? The signs? And the should versus shouldn’ts?

Take my word for it when I say I am no dating expert, (far from it) but at a time where it feels like the never-ending quest to find a SO to take on the world with is nearly impossible — us single ladies need to stick together. Am I right? We’ve had no serious guidelines since Sex and the City. I’m pretty sure Carrie Bradshaw would have our backs on this one.

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And the constant explosion of Elite Daily articles leave us in some weird, warped dating dimension, scratching our heads with that confused Nicolas Cage look plastered across our pretty faces. The enigmas last days (and cause wrinkles)!

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The first article you scroll through in bed in the morning reads, “12 Ways to Win His Heart.” By noon you’re reading a post titled, “12 Ways You’ll Push Him Away.” Obviously we’re single and questioning “how?” and “why?” so we read them both. And guess what? THEY BOTH HAVE THE SAME 12 STEPS. Which article are we supposed to believe?! By the end of the day, and according to their breakdown, I’m lead to believe that I’m a Victoria’s Secret Angel with 12 boyfriends and beautiful wings. Bottom line, we can’t rely on any of this because they have no relevance in reality! Everyone leads life differently and following, or not following, these steps isn’t going to lead to the Nicholas Sparks start or destructive demise of any relationship.  In reality, you’re the one who is going to have to figure out what works and doesn’t work for you in your dating life.

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Look, here’s the honest to goodness truth: I’ve been on a date or two…. thousand! So feel free to think of this as my open dating log: past, present, and future. Hopefully, you can use some of my dating escapades as a way to avoid some of my own personal mistakes. *Cough*Cough. I mean experiences. And if you can relate, humor yourself in the fact that you now know you’re not alone. I’d cry if some of the stories weren’t so hard to laugh at 😉

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

 

You Kiss Your Mother with that Mouth?!

Hi, everyone!!

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted, mainly because I’ve been working on a new project, that, if you’ve liked my writing here on Bold. Boss. Beautiful. I ask you to follow as I continue my adventures on there, Not Into This Sh!T!: https://notintothisshtblog.wordpress.com/.

But before I transition into moving forward full force on that site I wanted to leave you with some more millennial dating food for thought.

Two questions to ask yourself when dating:

  1. What are your deal breakers?
  2. What do you do when someone you’ve been talking to crosses the line?

As I’ve been focusing more on my career and have less time to dedicate to myself, dating apps seem like a viable option to meet new people. Apps are quickly becoming a societal norm, especially in the dating arena. Why? Maybe users feel more confident behind the virtual keys on our iPhones, maybe some of us are lazy… who knows… there are plenty of options.

What I find most difficult is that we’re the first group of people trying to tunnel forward with social experiments like Bumble, Tinder, and the alike, and there aren’t any concrete guidelines to pave the way.

This makes our personal vetting processes crucial because there’s no previous audience to guide us in this world of digital interactions (and introductions).

Never the less, even though I feel like an awkward, stumbling, new born baby fawn, I put my best hoof forward in a positive effort to find what I’m looking for in a partner.

Unfortunately, if you aren’t careful with that vetting process, you can end up with the exact opposite.

Enter date #362.

I met him on Bumble, and we admittedly didn’t hit it off right away. We had very different backgrounds, but we were curious enough about each other to continue our conversations. As we talked, it looked like maybe we did have a lot of the same morals after all. By the time he asked me out on a date, I thought my first impression of him turned out to be wrong.

But this is now the second (if not third, fourth, and fifth time) I’ve been through this lesson. Don’t worry about me guys; I think I’ve finally learned it this time lol. When it comes to dating, be careful who you give the benefit of the doubt to.

Initially, he was a big preacher of “I’m so different from any guy you’ll meet.” I’m a gentleman. I’m more mature. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah sure… Put your money where your mouth is. (Everyone I was with last night said if a guy says that there’s your first clue.) Yet, I switched off my gut instinct and made up my mind to give him a shot. I wanted to believe everything he was saying was true because they’re all qualities I’m genuinely looking for.

Within the first handful of conversations, he was making sure that I wouldn’t pay for the meal. Looking back, he was baiting me with romantic gestures, but in this case, you’ll see the age old proof that actions really do speak louder than words.

After the first date, I was actively recognizing red flags that I had seen in past guys I’ve dated. My deal breakers included:

  1. Our sense of humors didn’t match. To me laughter is one of the most important parts of any relationship and if we didn’t see eye to eye on something so laid back, fun, and flirtatious, how would we ever see eye to eye on bigger issues?
  2. When I asked him if he was close with his family, he responded, “I don’t understand that question.” What the fuck… lol.
  3. I called him out on the multiple insensitive things he said. Once I get it, but 4-5 times… What a jerk!
  4. Discussions of finance too early. Truth be told, not every woman is interested in money. But if you’re ridiculously focused on your pocket than you don’t deserve the kind of girl that doesn’t fucking care about it. She’s too good for you bro.
  5. With everything in mind, it felt like he was hiding some internal anger issues–I’m not your therapist. And I’m not trying to change any man. That only leads to heartache. No thank you.

With about five red flags after one date, I confirmed my first impression… He had to go.

Someone, please call me out if my logic is wrong here, but I wanted to let him know how I felt as soon as I recognized it wasn’t going to work. Even though we had talked about meeting up the following Saturday, I ended it on Tuesday.

My thought process–instead of letting him think that I was interested for an entire week, and having to fake that I wanted to be all over him for a day, (ew gross), it made more sense for both of us to move on now instead of later.

Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I told him the truth about why I was ending things instead of some lame bullshit girly excuse like “it’s not you, it’s me.”

I think all he really wanted to hear was that it was me.

His response to my kid-glove honesty (if you know me you know I go out of my way to be cordial even if someone is a total monster!!):

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Whoaa buddy, I was expecting a bad reaction, but I wasn’t expecting World War III.

It’s women like me why guys are so scummy? For trying to be honest? Those were just his words; I can’t reflect that on myself.

I’m a complete disappointment–I’ll take that as a compliment. You were already that invested in me to be disappointed in me? Reality check, you’re disappointed that smart, respectable women aren’t interested in your fake act. Why don’t you try being the man you preach you are. That will impress women ten folds beyond the really good impression you do of a disrespectful asshole.

That brings me back to deal breaker #4. Let me just put this out there for any guy who has ever been upset about spending money on a date that didn’t work out–IT’S YOUR CHOICE TO SPEND THAT MONEY. That’s not on us! I would rather go on a picnic with a gentleman than an expensive dinner with an ignorant idiot any day of the week, just point me in the direction of his picnic blanket.

I can hold my head high knowing that I’m discomforted by the thought of even accepting a drink from a guy if I know I’m not interested. So anyone who has ever accused me of using you for your money can FUCK OFF. Why don’t you stop using your money to try and get girls and try on a good personality for size? It’s as simple as that. Really.

As it turns out, the “different,” “mature,” “gentleman” I was supposed to meet was actually one of the worst interactions I’ve ever had. Congratulations, I will always fondly remember you… as an asshole. No sleep lost here.

Don’t ever talk to me again–easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Block, delete. Block, delete. Block, delete.

All of the true GENTLEMAN in my life told me I should have reported him on the dating app, but I figured our dysfunctional situation didn’t have to do with the app itself, just two people who clearly didn’t get along.

It took me a lot to keep myself from sending a nasty response back. Like “those texts are THE EXACT REASON I don’t want to see you again.” Or, “since you’re so concerned about money I will literally pay you if you promise to never disrespect a woman the way you just disrespected me.” Maybe the quick retort, “you kiss your mother with that mouth?!”

But like they say, when they go low, you stay high.

The biggest laugh–as soon as he told me to never talk to him again I thought to myself, “your wish is my command.” This time when I told myself I wasn’t going to talk to a guy anymore I was going to stick to it.

One week later… I receive a friend request from him on Instagram. (Remind me to not respond to guys more often).

GET FUCKING REAL.

Interested in knowing my thoughts beyond dating? Follow me on my new website Not into this Sh!T! https://notintothisshtblog.wordpress.com/.

Thanks for following along with my dating adventures!

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

The New Season of the Bachelorette Starts Tonight! So Who’s My Bachelor Worthy MCM?

The new season of the Bachelorette kicks off tonight!

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And while Rachel Lindsay is totally stunning and you miiiiight see me dabble in some posts about her and the show (I’M SORRY – you all know my guilty pleasure by now!) my shout out today is for newly single bachelor favorite… That’s right, drum roll, please… Mr. BEN HIGGINS. (Oof, you can already see why!)

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When Ben went on the show, it was hard not to fall for him. The now 29-year-old, just a baby when he first appeared on the Bachelorette, was everything a girl could want. Wait, what? Okay, I. Everything I could want. Tall, dark, handsome, sensitive… It was like looking into a mirror watching him reveal that his biggest worry when it comes to relationships: being unlovable. You’re not alone Mr. Higgins; you’re not alone. In all the hype did anyone ever get a chance to tell you that? C’mon Chris Harrison! Slackin’ at the mansion!

After giving it a go with the winner of his season, Lauren Bushnell, and continuing an all too cute reality T.V. show on ABC Family (now Freeform) (yes I watched that too… …) it seems like they’ve decided to call it quits. I haven’t read any details on the breakup – please my thing is reality television, not gossip rag mags. But if you’re interested in finding out the juicy gossip just hop onto our favorite best friend: GOOGLE.

In the meantime when the world is trying to decipher fact from fiction, who’s with me in voting Mr. Higgins back onto the show for the next season of the Bachelor? I know I’m not the only one. And if you do submit his name maybe you could include a ballot writing my name in as a contestant for his second season? Mk, that would be great, thanks. While Ben should hopefully see that his fear of being unlovable is farthest from the truth I’m still over here working on that lesson for myself. Aren’t we all.

By the by Ben, if you end up on the next season of Bachelors in Paradise or whatever the f*#! that show is called… oh goodness just don’t do it! Although… I wouldn’t mind seeing you on the beach in your bathing suit again… Ehhhh, there’s good and bad to everything.

My MCM to kick off the summer season – Ben, you’ve got my vote!

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.

How Many Times Can We Say “I’m Over It!” and Actually Mean It?

I’m sitting here at the end of a very slow Tuesday watching the minutes tick towards 4PM. According to anyone in, I don’t know, the 9-5 world… 4PM is when you stop doing absolutely any kind of work and count down the hour until 5. Freedom. Sleep. Happy Hour.
End of Day at Work
 
And what do we do to pass the hours? Scroll through our social media news feeds of course. WELP, today was a good one to find something to write about.
 
The update of yet another person in a relationship. But the thing that got me about this one is that I had gone to high school with this guy, and we had actually gone on a few dates last summer. Final conclusion: HE BOTTOM LINE SUCKS.
 
By our second date, at one of my favorite Italian restaurants downtown, he had turned from a charming mystery into such a jerk. A jerk with some serious problems. And I might exaggerate from time to time, but this was no exaggeration. Just wait and read.
 
Before he even came out on the second date, he told me he had taken shots of whatever alcohol his friend had stashed in his office desk before he left work, on top of an E pen that wasn’t tobacco. Do you really need to take shots and hits before a second date with me? I’m all for having a good time, but when the time is appropriate. AKA not when you’re trying to impress a classy girl! Not to toot my own horn, but come on now.
 
By now you guys know me well enough, I try to remain as positive as possible (wait do I?), and chalked it up to his own personal issues – nothing to do with me. We had actually had a really great time on our first date. I was hoping the same for the second one. The only thing we didn’t agree on was the definition of dating. Should you be committed to one person or is it okay to date multiple people at one time? Even though he seemed like a player, he actually argued that dating should be monogamous. I, on the other hand, who have seriously dated half of the people in Manhattan, would argue the opposite. There are so many people in the world. If I’m not committed to anyone why should I have to stick to just one? We’re all getting to know each other, and I haven’t found love yet. No harm no foul. Dating = multiple, relationship = monogamy… To me. Good conversation piece when you’re “hanging out.” Lol.
 
Any who, the second date was not pretty. In fact, it was pretty downright ugly. After filling himself with other “sedatives,” we ordered a bottle of wine to share. Dinner ended at about 8 o’clock, and it was clear that we both didn’t want the date to end, but we hadn’t made any plans for after the meal. I’ll keep that in mind for next time…
 
Break to the all too common part of the night where we’re standing on the street, and the guy asks you to go home with him (I said no). Give me a break, I don’t always say no, but we lived far apart, had work the next morning, not to mention I’d officially given up the NYC subway system when I moved out. You won’t get me to take one alone. Ask any of my friends.
One Night Stand
 
When he asked me why not I came up with some bullshit excuse because I was scared of looking like a loser. Totally a bad judgment call. I should have practiced what I preach and been open and honest with him about my feelings and anxieties. Later on down the road, I was, but this crucial move screwed me.  
 
A few things I’ve learned from that date since we both fucked up. 1. Is anyone to blame for how things panned out? Maybe not… Both parties can be at fault… or completely innocent. 2. Don’t call an insecure man a flirt and 3. Definitely DO NOT mention how you perceived a person in high school. (Background) earlier in the night we had been joking about how we saw each other, from a distance, back then. It seemed harmless and borderline cute/flirtatious but after getting drunk… Boy did I hear his thoughts on that one!
 
By 8:20 I was being yelled at by someone I thought I knew, but really didn’t. And on a dark street curb of New York City, nonetheless! I was so embarrassed! Thank God it was dark and there weren’t a lot of people walking around. I started to cry. GUILTY! Not only was I being yelled at for being a slut (apparently he had some residual feelings about my dating habits — P.S. you don’t know me either, you don’t know who I have and haven’t slept with), but for everyone who had every judged him for how he was “looked at” in high school…  If the shoe fits. Bad joke, bad timing. And, to top it all off, my anxiety was kicking in. I was saying anything and everything I could think of to get him to stop.
 
FYI, I’m not the type of person to scream back at someone even if they’re really mad at me. Or even if I have a problem with them. I’m the type of person that takes time with my thoughts and, even if I let them simmer, I always try to talk out my problems because, as an adult, I’ve learned arguing really gets you nowhere.
I Don't Know What We're Yelling About
 
We went awkwardly back and forth between his screaming, my listening, and talking for what felt like an hour. Realistically, it was probably only about 10 minutes.
 
When things seemed to slow down for a minute, he walked away. I had no idea where he was going. He didn’t say anything after all was said and done. To me, it looked like he was a guy who was only interested in the drama. When he ditched me for the local bodega, I hailed a cab to get my ass back to GC. No way was I going to wait around at night, on the city streets, all alone. I don’t care if it’s known as a safe area. Nor did I want to see what happened next on our horrible second date.
 
Texts and phone calls were made back and forth to each other throughout the night, but after an incident so unexpected I was over it. BOLD, UNDERLINE!
 
Or so I thought.
 
The next morning I was overtaken by a horrible anxiety attack and struck by a tremendous amount of guilt because he attacked me where I was weak. The fact that I had been working on trying to be way less judgmental and was called out for it stung like a motherfucker. Rightfully deserved after I called him out on some shit I didn’t know hit him so deeply? The world will never know. The next morning I found myself being the one to apologize to him for the entire night. Insane. I know.
 
But qualm smashed, we got over the situation (never an apology from his end, but a nice little dumb ass retort “that was big of you” – referencing my apology). THANKS, ASSHOLE. Tell me something I don’t know.
 
Shamefully, we wound up remaining cool… And almost friends. It’s okay, you can judge me. I judge myself for it too, but it’s weird – aside from that manic episode on both our ends, we do actually have a lot in common. Especially our sense of humor, which is so important to me in a human being. I feel a little guilty tossing around mean jabs. Ugh… Moving on… I’m over it!
 
HA. HA. Good joke. Now, nine months later, I see this dick is in a relationship?! No, no, no, no, no. Granted, there’s some dirt on that situation, but why should that matter? His business is his business. Their business is their business. The second I saw it I unfollowed him to better keep my sanity and seriously said to my coworker, “I’m over it!”
 
Truth be told, I’m not over it. I am over him, but I’m not over the annoying feeling of constantly seeing relationship after relationship and engagement after engagement popping up on social media because it’s something I eventually want… Just the relationship for the time being, calm down lol. But seeing negative and nasty people getting what positive and good people deserve is enough to drive a person insane. People who genuinely have the wherewithal to make another person happy have earned that kind of sweet satisfaction. Someone who deserves to be showered with good things in their life.
Fuck Me Right
 
So, I ask you, I beg you, I plead you, HELP! When we say “I’m over it!” when do we actually get over it? Please someone comment and tell me because I’m still searching for the answer to this one. 

Get Smart. Read Bold.

1.     Stop doing any work after 4PM at your 9-5.
2.     If they need to drink or smoke before a date with you run in the other direction.
3.     It’s probably good to have the same view on dating as the person you’re dating (monogamy and when it’s appropriate)
4. Is anyone to blame when things go bad on the date? Situational. Deal with that response.
5.     It’s not the best idea to call anyone a flirt or a player because you’ve never walked a mile in their shoes (and also don’t know what their personality is like and how they’ll react).
6.     It’s also not great to stick to high school perceptions ten years later.
7.     Stand up for yourself if someone is harassing you and GTFO.
8.     Don’t feel like you have to apologize when you’re not in the wrong.
9.     When you say you’re over it, are you really over it?
10. Someone, please tell us!
Yours truly,
Bold. Boss. Beautiful.

This MCM Isn’t So Strange…

Last month I attended Social Media Week NYC 2017. If you have the opportunity to go in upcoming years, I highly suggest it!

Being exhausted from the same seated position for three days in a row aside, I was pleasantly surprised by one of the last sessions on Thursday, “The Strange Thing About the World of Celebrity and Social Media.”

Oh man, if I thought Jim Hopper was funny and sexy as hell! (Stranger Things), David Harbour, the man behind the character, proves Hopper has another thing coming… Bold statement I know.

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Apparently, the industry has been ripping into him for his speech at the SAG Awards. Missed that memo and I’m not going there – you can do the research yourself. But hearing him speak at SMW proved to me what a real person he actually is. He doesn’t hide behind his celebrity status to condone a holier than now attitude. In actuality, he proves to be one of us… A human being. I think I’m in love. 

Harbour went where many men don’t dare to go – joking about his body that doesn’t quite compare to the muscles at the gym. But Dave, dad bods and unshaved faces are in!

He also sat comfortably explaining how he had been typecast as the bad guy in so many of his roles because he didn’t look like “a leading man.” GOOD JOKE. Now that we’re all addicted to binging on Netflix shows, aka Stranger Things, so who’s laughing now? Idiots. I applaud you Harbour.

Even my best writing wouldn’t do him justice because he is just that down to earth, under the radar — downright HILARIOUS, but crazy intelligent too. He understands real life and makes that connection to his audience.

I don’t know about you all, but that’s highly attractive to me. MCM worthy for sure!

 

Another Single Valentine’s Day? We’ve Come up with the Perfect Non-Valentine’s Night!

It must have been about 3-4 years ago that I was still getting over the great infatuation of my life. My guy friend was also single and ready to mingle, but we were getting down on ourselves that we weren’t able to live out this fantasy of what we had in mind for the perfect Valentine’s night.

Instead of feeding into our inner #emo ( I know, listening to TBS feels so good!) we decided to change our expectations of the night. Screw having dates! We were going to enjoy February 14th no matter what!

Turns out, readjusting our expectations turned out really well. We made three rules…  1. No sappy movies. 2. Nothing healthy or anything that makes you look attractive while you eat it. 3. No jeans. Whoa now, that sounded bad for a second. ;P

Commence your awesome single Valentine’s night!

We had a great time watching comedies (of course half of them included Vince Vaughn or Will Ferrell), binging on a large cheese pizza, heavy side of candy, and rocking our sweatpants hardcore.

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The best part about the non-Valentine’s night is that the possibilities are literally endless. It doesn’t have to be just two friends. Even more anti-Valentine’s is an entire party boycotting the entire thing… Believe me, we considered it.

No, I’m not some kind of love-hating monster. Yes, it would be nice to have a plus one on the “big days” where you know your family is going to ask you the inevitable question for anyone in their twenties,  “are you in a relationship?” But I’m not going to cry over what I don’t have… Not tonight anyway… Tonight, I’m choosing to celebrate with pizza, wine, and comedies. Wine-not?

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Key Takeaways:

The best way to celebrate the non-Valentine’s Day:

  1. Drive around town with your best friend screaming TBS lyrics with the windows down and the system up (shout out to my ladies – you know who you are!); we recommend CUTE without the E
  2. No sappy movies
  3. Eat pizza & drink wine
  4. ONLY WEAR SWEATS
  5. You probably shouldn’t shower or cry for extra indulgence haha EW!

Check out my Valentine’s Day MCM to go alongside your non-Valentine’s Day celebration.

Enjoy! =]

Bold. Boss. Beautiful. 

Who Earned My Valentine’s MCM?

“I’m so used to being used.
So I love when you call unexpected.
‘Cause I hate when the moment’s expected.
So I’ma care for you, you, you,
I’ma care for you, you, you, you, yeah
‘Cause girl you’re perfect.
You’re always worth it.
And you deserve it.
The way you work it.
‘Cause girl you earned it, yeah
Girl, you earned it.”
 
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After so many days feeling like we go unappreciated, leave it to The Weeknd to make me feel like I’ve earned an unexpected call (because expected moments can get boring if they’re all you have), like I’m perfect (in this imperfect, messy world), deserve it (when we don’t get what we deserve), and I’ve earned it (just by doing me).

A friend asked me what my favorite gift from a guy was? I said, “flowers.”

Something as small as unexpected flowers gives me the feeling that I’ve worked hard for and earned something special.

In honor of Valentine’s Day and the follow up to that Fifty Shades of Grey movie that comes out… soon… today’s MCM goes out to The Weeknd, for making me feel like I did earn it every time I listen to that song. Male or female, who can’t relate to these vibes?

Key Takeaways:

  1. Make your girl feel like she’s earned it

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.

Failures of “Liquid Courage” (The Junior Varsity Drunk Text)

I thought that I had kicked the habit of drunk texting back in my freshman year of college.

My not-so-boyfriend, but guy I was seeing was seeing at the time, was back in our hometown while I was supposed to be exploring the potentials of college life. (My version of that was moping about this high school boy who clearly wasn’t worth my time in the long run. Fuck… I guess I learned some important life lessons from that one?)

Drinking beer in our guy friend’s dorm was doomed to put testosterone on the mind. I took out my not-so-smart cell phone and started typing. He hadn’t responded to another text from earlier in the day. Being down on myself, I wrote what I intended to be an innocent text,

 “Do you like good girls or bad girls? You like bad girls don’t you?”

Reading it the way I had intended, the only embarrassment I felt was that I was legitimately a “good girl” and didn’t want to waste my time on a bad guy. Re-reading the text that night, and now – horrified with a palm up to my face, peeking through my fingers – it sounds like I had a different intention. I might as well have whipped out a red flag saying, “ONLY LOOKING FOR BAD BOYS.” Or, “HI, I’M A SLUT!”

After many a communication courses in college, and head shaking experience after head shaking experience, I can flat out tell you that most communication via cell phones = NO BUENO! Especially when it comes to dating. It’s hard enough to do when you’re sober, let alone Lindsay Lohan drunk. What the sender reads one way can be (and many times is) interpreted in an entirely different manner than the receiver.

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Luckily, or not-so-luckily, he never answered my text. But I was the one left mortified for two reasons. 1. I sounded like a hooker. 2. He never even answered to my hooker-like attempt!

Looking back, what a loser! Not responding to a hooker-ish text by one of the girls you were seeing?! What’s wrong with that image? … … But in all honesty, I was lucky that it didn’t turn into a mess bigger than that. In the long run, he was probably doing me a favor since he ditched out on me about two weeks later. #GHOSTED.

But lesson learned hunnies! It took one nauseating incident to realize that drunk texting was not for me. And I stood by that all throughout college and beyond. I’m currently six years out and held onto the promise that I would never initiate a drunk texting convo. Exceptions will be made for those who text you and are already drunk – looking for some love in a drunk text back, friends, or anyone who you aren’t currently dating or trying to date.

One promise to myself – no drunk texting… That’s easy. But add today’s social media trends in there and it’s a whole different ball game. 1000 new ways for me to embarrass myself! Okay, not if you use them properly… Or have enough self-love that you don’t care about the outcome either way, but still, it’s like social etiquette or something. Besides, one of the worst things you can do with someone you’re trying to tie down is make them feel awkward or uncomfortable. Take it from the queen of making everyone feel awkward and uncomfortable.

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Legit – today’s social media is the new drunk text. And I thought I had been so wise as to have mastered this. Let me just say, contact lists and text messaging shouldn’t be the only thing put on block during this vulnerable state. And the key here is VULNERABLE. But we’ll circle back to that.

There are two sides to my brain… Okay, there’s multiple sides to my brain, but right now I’m breaking it down into varsity and junior varsity (experienced and naive).

Being 27 and single, I’ve had tons of experience fucking up, royally fucking up, playing it cool, and everything in between. In my mind, when I first start initiating some kind of interaction with a guy to let him know I might be interested, it would be ideal to pull from my playing it cool to somewhere in between experience. But for some terrifying reason, my JV mind takes over. DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR OWN JV MIND.

As recent as a couple of weekends ago I reached out to a guy who had been completely off my radar, but for whatever reason, he was suddenly on it. (Maybe because his friend was finally off of it). I sent him a message. If you have to send someone a message instead of an iMessage aka text because you don’t have their phone number WARNING, RED BUTTON, HAZZARD, ERROR, STOP. DON’T DO IT! In my JV mind I’m like a little puppy – yeah, yeah this will put me on his radar! Yes, little puppy, ignorant of the world around you – it will put you on his radar, you’re right – AS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL SPAZ.  And it works both ways, men to women, Instagram to Facebook. You don’t want to ask the girl on the couch over from me at the Super Bowl party what her latest social media stalker had to say. And you definitely don’t want to be the one referred to as a stalker on any dating anything.

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So how did my JV message go? Just as I thought it would from my varsity experience –- no response. Just like my ex at the beginning of this post.

What I discovered: my need to reach out in a moment of vulnerability (and you’re feeling this way much stronger because you’re drinking) is for reassurance. And as you can tell, the drunk message does not lead to reassurance. It only leads to more insecurity and upset feelings. And those feelings that you keep avoiding will be brought to the next new guy and next drunk message until you face them. It becomes one whole big mess of negativity. You’ll be so lucky as to if the receiver doesn’t respond because starting something on those terms is just that: messy, negative, and choosing to try to start something off on a sour down note.

Instead, get over your old ghosts first by facing them head on.

I apologize to all of the victims from my drunk messaging and just know, I’m working on turning over that idiotic leaf… But, in my defense, you should be happy a smart/hot girl is hitting on you in the first place! PUH-LEASE.

Key Takeaways:

  1. Don’t waste time on someone who isn’t worth yours
  2. Stay away from any sort of iMessage, text message, social media message when you’re Lindsay Lohan drunk
  3. You want a potential love-interest to see you in a positive light, not a negative one
  4. Drunk messaging makes you vulnerable
  5. DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR OWN JV MIND
  6. If you have to send a social media message instead of a text, don’t message at all!
  7. You don’t want to be known as a social media stalker
  8. There is such a thing as social media etiquette (apparently), and you don’t want to make people feel awkward or uncomfortable
  9. Get over your old ghosts FIRST by facing them head on
  10. Taking all of the above into consideration, flirt on!

Bold. Boss. Beautiful.